Soul Searching

   

Binoculars by whiskeyandtears on Flickr

      So, as I said in my last post, I've spent the past month soul-searching, praying, and basically stressing out to the point of near-insanity. Was it worth it? Why yes. Yes it was. For one thing, it really forced me to take a close look at myself, who I am, why I do what I do, and a slough of other existential questions. But I'll spare you all the melodrama and skip right to the conclusion: I've decided to postpone my walk till March of next year. Why? Glad you asked! Allow me to explain.

     One of the biggest factors in this decision was time. If I kept on pushing for my original start date of May 20th, I'd have a little less than two months to finish all my preparations, fundraise for the cause, and psych myself up for it. All while also trying to finish my last semester of college, help launch a coffee shop, play and sing in a praise team, and volunteer in the college's kitchen. Some people are extremely self-motivated, driven, and organized and could do this. I am not one of those people. That should be evident in the fact that I've been planning this for almost 10 months and have scarcely more figured out now than I did when I started. Ok...I actually have a good bit more than that worked out, but not nearly enough. Postponing gives me more time to wrestle a few of these monkeys off my back and truly give this project the effort that it deserves.

     It also gives me more time to walk. I know that seems a bit counter-intuitive, but there's logic to it, I swear! You see? The general consensus of my research about those who've walked the country before is that you want to start early in the year (say March) so that you can make it to the Rockies before the weather gets too yucky. My starting in May was mainly because I couldn't skip out before graduation without a certain half-Mexican, half-Italian Florida woman skinning me alive. So because I was leaving so late, I was going to have to move as quickly as possible to get to the Rockies before winter. And that would've been even more miserable than a walk like this already is. But by pushing back to next March, I can now leave at a more reasonable time of the year and not have the burden of constantly stressing out about my pace.

     Another major factor is the other ministries that I mentioned earlier that I'd be missing out on during this walk, Avenue Coffee in particular. For those of you who may not know, Avenue Coffee is a coffee shop outreach ministry that friends of mine are launching near the University of Memphis as part of their degree program here at Mid-South Christian College. While not an original member of the team, I came on board last spring as an extra pair of hands and at some point got absorbed into it. We've been working our collective booties off for months and after many set-backs and surprises hope to start our soft-opening here in the next couple of weeks. If that happens, then the shop would only have been open for a month or so when my original start date rolls around. Beyond that, there's also the church in Olive Branch, MS that I've been attending for most of my time at MSCC. I've been working with them for years and some really exciting developments are unfolding that I would otherwise miss out on if I left as originally planned.

     But probably the biggest factor was the sheer amount of time I spent stressing over this problem, wrestling with it night and day in my mind. I'm well aware that doubt and struggle are both parts of following God's call, but for one thing I never had a clear-cut call to begin with, just Faith, ambition, and a desire to serve in a big way. At some point along the way, I realized that the reason I was constantly begging God for guidance is because what I really wanted was a Divine Hall Pass telling me I could go. I mean, without going into details, I can now look back and see dozens of little moments and comments from the past three months alone that were probably God trying to hint at what I should be doing. I'm clearly not taking this as a "no" or this would be a cancellation announcement rather than a postponement announcement. I just think that God has other things that I could be more useful in this year than walking across the country.

     So there ya have it, I'm pushing things back and giving myself a little more time to get ready for this monstrosity of an undertaking. It makes partial sense to me now that maybe part of the reason I've had so much trouble juggling this project with all my other involvements is because it was an involvement I wasn't supposed to be juggling just quite yet. So for now, I'm taking time to graduate, open a coffee-shop, and really re-group so that I can give this project and it's cause the attention and energy they deserve. But to reiterate, THIS IS STILL HAPPENING!!!! Just....not quite when I originally thought it would.

     I'll try to keep y'all posted every month or so on how things are progressing with planning and preparations, but there might be some unavoidable inconsistencies in my posting. So I apologize for that in advance. I definitely want to get a post up on May 20th reflecting on my decision to postpone. Hopefully I'll get something up sooner than that, but with me ya never know.

'Til then, may the road rise up to meet you,
Jordan Miller

Prayer Needs:
- prayers of thanks for God's wisdom and guidance
- prayers for God's continued guidance
- prayers for planning, fundraising, recruiting walking buddies, etc.